Often times we find ourselves praying for things and getting upset when they don't come on our terms, but it's because we aren't prepared to receive them. After all would you give a toddler a key to a brand new car or any car for that matter? No, so why would God give us those things we desire if we aren't fully ready?
I remember before meeting my other WHOLE (hubby) I did some real soul searching. I knew I didn't want a future with any of the men I was attracting. So I began to do the groundwork to prepare. That included taking sex completely off the table (yes, I slipped up but I didn't condemn myself because I knew I couldn't rely on my own strength. Only God could help me release that unhealthy appetite of fornication. I gave my heart over to God to guard and I read books and blogs of women who were in the image I saw myself being in the future. It was about 2 yrs ago I remember asking myself "Phylicia, what isn't working?" I knew that my poor relationships weren't just unsuccessful because of the other person. I played a role in what had transpired.
There are times when it is the man's fault don't get me wrong. But really, look at what you did to contribute. The deeper you look, the more you will see a pattern. Once I discovered my patterns of being too available (financially, emotionally, and physically) I knew it had to stop!
I WAS ENOUGH! This is what I had to tell myself because it was clear I didn't value ME. I was looking to prepare myself for my other "half" which meant I wasn't WHOLE. I would always be dependent on someone else to make me WHOLE. There was one thing wrong with this picture. God created us with a longing in our hearts and it wasn't for men, women, children, career, pets, etc. It was indeed a longing for Him(God).
When I gave my heart to God I said a prayer. "Lord you know the condition of my heart and you warn us to guard our hearts above all things. Help me to guard my heart and don't let me love again until you see fit to place a man after your own heart in my life."
I knew what I wanted and I was strategic in prayer. I knew I had to turn my heart over to God because I loved too freely, and forgave too easily which allowed me to get taken advantage of by men! For me, being WHOLE meant I knew my identity in Christ. I didn't need a man to tell me who and what I was because God created me in His own image. I am beautifully and wonderfully made! I am a Queen and in order to attract a King I would need to let God do the picking because He knows exactly what we need! Bishop T.D. Jakes says, “a whole woman will always attract a whole man. When they touch, they will fuse to create a whole marriage. Ultimately, when the time is right, they will produce whole children.” This quote stuck with me during this season of transformation and I knew I was headed in the right direction. It gave me so much peace. Yes, I dated but it became so much easier to not entertain foolishness when I knew my worth.
The craziest things would happen when I dated men after my new found confidence. If they had other intentions they would confess it almost immediately. Not only did I PRAY for revelation but I also PREPARED myself to walk away from anything or anyone that didn't serve a purpose in my life. When I met new guys, my prayer was "Lord reveal the intentions or purpose of this person and to totally expose them." The Lord delivered every time hunty lol! I always tell my friends, you teach people how to treat you by what you accept! If you have no standards and go for anything then men will take full advantage of that. The difference for me was that I didn't waiver in what I wanted. I made it very clear in my first encounter with any guy that came along with an interest. They knew from the beginning sex wasn't enough to appease me and that they had to come correct! If you don't know what you want, I would suggest that you take dating and sex off the table. There is no such thing as sex without attachment. Whether we would like to acknowledge it or not. If you can't keep clear boundaries when dating then don't date. Before you know it you will be in a situationship! The more I dated, the easier it was to weed out the jokers and send them on their way without looking back because I was no longer lonely. I was focused! Don't get me wrong, there was times I wanted company. I just kept myself occupied with other things. I went out with friends, joined groups around me to keep my mind off dating and men. One day, while I was out with a friend in South Beach “living my best life“ I got a call from my aunt saying she had a potential guy for me but he was in New York. At first I was irritated but I remembered a conversation one of my married friends and I had a few days prior. She told me "don't put limits on love, you might meet someone in another country and it just works and you guys figure out how to come together." Well she was right! The next day we (the new guy and I) talked after church and it continued for weeks. Just us talking and getting to know one another. We prayed together (over the phone).
One night the new guy revealed to me that the Lord showed him that I was to be his wife. He continued to walk in God's obedience and started to look for jobs in Florida so that he could move here to be closer to me. I was like, BOY PLEASE/WHATEVER!! To my surprise, he did just that and a day after moving to Florida he got a call and accepted a job! Today I am his wife, Mrs.Maxwell!
Ladies anything is possible! Had you asked me this a year ago, I would say it's impossible! No, your journey or story might not be the same as mines but I am encouraging you to work on being the other WHOLE you want to attract.
Love you My Phyllyphanz 😘
Question to ask yourself: What's not working?
Books: "No More Christian Nice Girl" and "Boundaries by Henry Cloud"
Get to Unpacking your invisible baggage!